How To Face A Part of Human Nature ( Without Going Under)
Say hello to our little friend:
fear - a noun.
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
This is a natural human instinct that keeps us from being eaten by tigers and jumping into fire. Luckily, we live in a world where we don’t have to worry about this. Instead, fires and tigers have been replaced with heartbreak and career failure.
Rejection, Perfection, Anxiety, & Failure;
The New Fear.
So how do we face the fact that, overtime, our brains have substituted fear for lame expectations impressed on women by society?
Did you ever think that hiding in our metaphorical caves would keep us from chasing BIG dreams, finding our purpose, self love, and living our lives as our own?!
Today, maybe you can find a little bit of relief by simply starting with an idea that most resonates with you.
But First, What Happens When We Submit To Fear? And why does this article even matter?
There are many reasons for submitting to fear, such as self-preservation. This can come from within, even stemming from our childhood. Think about that for a second.
What the hell are we protecting ourselves from? Failing? Pain? Rejection? Judgement?
What happens if we begin to understand it, and think on a whole new level. That's precisely what this blog edition is here for.
Are you ready to allow yourself to accept fear for what it is? Because the moment we do that - we experience growth. Like...scientifically, it increases our neuroplasticity… and damn, THAT feels good.
Neuroplasticity refers to the changes that occur in the brain's neural pathways over time, allowing us to learn and adapt to new challenges and experiences. In recent years, neuroplasticity has been linked to improved success in both personal and professional settings.
"Neuroscientists have long understood that the brain can rewire itself in response to experience—a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity. But until recently, they didn’t know what causes gray matter to become plastic, to begin changing. Breakthrough research by a team at MIT’s Picower Institute for Learning and Memory has documented one type of environmental feedback that triggers plasticity: success. Equally important and somewhat surprising: Its opposite, failure, has no impact.
Earl Miller, the lead researcher on the study (published in the journal Neuron last summer), says understanding the link to environmental feedback is crucial to improving how people teach and motivate because it’s a big part of how we learn. But we absorb more from success than from failure, according to the study."
So, instead of avoiding the things that scare you and keep you stagnant: you can choose to deal with them head on. Life isn’t supposed to be comfortable or easy, what if it's both? What if you're willingness to experience both for the chance of working towards your purpose, is what leads you to the success you're after?
If you think it's worth considering, keeping reading.
Have you heard the saying, “practice makes perfect”? Well, I don’t want you to be perfect but I want you to PRACTICE! In fact, I would recommend you practice doing the things that make you uncomfortable. Practice making videos, giving speeches, getting new headshots, or pitching a promotion!
Even practicing these little ways of seeing yourself can help you on the path to a fulfilling life.
Confronting what you need to work on might feel vulnerable (at first), but just remember... You’ve got this. I'm here to help you co-exist with your fears so that you can live your life.
Reward of Resilience
So, what happens when we give into our fear-induced thoughts? We trip and fall, and instead of getting back up - we lay down and stay down?
If we do that, we become stagnant. What kind of life is that? I simply want to plant the seeds in your beautiful and intelligent minds that FEAR is simply what YOU make of it, no more, no less. And it sure as hell isn't worth missing out on life for.
STAT:
Today, there are 114% more fempreneurs than there were twenty years ago.
Here’s a little taste of that as we dive into what fear means to a few special women and friend’s of mine.
Her Perspective
I wanted to take the time to share a couple of perspectives from women I love, admire, and have worked with over the years.
#fempreneur Lynee Palacios has worked with some of the best life and business strategists of our time. Serving as a Community Director and Strategic Partnership Manager for Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi, and being the Community Director of #JamieKernLima, she is extremely passionate about helping people reach their optimal health, achieve overall wellness, and live a life of purpose. As an established master networker, her true superpower is instantly connecting and building rapport with anyone, allowing her to build online communities globally.
Lynee is also the CEO of a Virtual Assistant Agency, myVIAA.com, and the founder of #IntuitiveMoms, and the new ALBACI Skincare line. She believes in the theory that “fear is a state of mind”.
"I believe that it is the product of our imagination; we only feel it if we believe it." - Lynee
She didn’t become this successful on her good looks and luck. Lynee is a successful entrepreneur, businesswoman, and full functioning mom-preneur. She wasn’t always this way though, she learned to empower that little girl deep within her soul through mindset work and self discovery.
Ahhh, self-growth at its finest, how inspiring. Speaking of which you can check out her book, INSPIRE here>>>
Remember, courage doesn’t happen without feeling the fear first...
So, If you change the way you THINK, like Lynee - you could change the narrative of your life.
Let this sink in for a minute.
DID YOU KNOW?
The feeling of fear is similar to excitement our brains don’t know the difference between the adrenaline rush we are experiencing.
"As long as you believe fear is something happening to you, you'll remain powerless in the face of adversity."
Into The Unknown
We have the power to remain in control and navigate any given scenario.Using fear as fuel can help propel us forward turning the unknown into possibility.
Let's visit the perspective of Lisa Hyde, ex-Hollywood talent agent turned CEO of The Confidence Crown. She's also a podcast host, published author. As a former reigning example of Rodan&Fields sucess, she became a millionaire mentor & skincare guru.
Quite frankly, Lisa says, “F&#% Fear!”... And I think it’s safe to say we can all resonate with that.
“We are not who we were when we were young...The same things that scared us when we were children, don't have to scare us today. How you use the energy you feel as fear is your choice.
So, let’s turn it around and use it to accomplish our dreams and goals."
- Lisa Hyde
Lisa used to be scared of public speaking - and now she gets PAID to do it. How did she do that? I remember her sharing stories with me about how she was unexpectedly called to speak at a conference. When she got up on that stage, instead of telling herself she was scared she said, "I changed it! And tricked myself into feeling EXCITED."
She created a vision of what she wanted, wrote out her presentation, and kept repeating it and practicing it until it was her OWN. She didn’t let the fear control her ability to speak or to succeed. In the wake of doing this ONE time, she increased her brains nueroplasticity.
"She was powerful, not because she wasn't scared, but because she went on so strongly despite the fear."
Harper Lee
The Courageous Life Theory
This theory is based on the scientific evidence that fear has been pivotal to human evolution and survival. This theory is based on the concept that fear is caused by the “primitive brain” or the amygdala, which is the collection of cells near the base of the brain. This is where emotions are given meaning, remembered, and attached to associations and responses to them. - Healthline.com
Thoughts in today’s world of big love and even bigger dreams come from a different place altogether; the prefrontal cortex. This is where reasoning, decision-making, and planning happen!
It’s where you can MANAGE emotion and think of a reasonable responses...yay for evolution! When it comes to fear in our world the prefrontal cortex has the power to override our amygdala so we can respond in the most efficient way.
While this is possible, it doesn't mean everyone grabs the steering wheel when their spinning out of control if you know what I'm sayin...
What does this really mean, when it comes to co-existing with fear? We DO NOT have to invite it in just because it knocks on the door. We don’t have to live with it, in it, or surrounded by it. And we certainly don’t have to ask for its opinion for every major decision in our lives.
But if it's natural and healthy to feel fear...How can we make it seem less scary?
The 5 benefits of fear:
Learning - Facing fear allows us to learn more about ourselves, what we can handle and are capable of, and with that comes new skills.
Strength - When we face fear head on and push through it. WE WIN. It creates belief, and there’s nothing quite as powerful as a woman who KNOWS she’s unstoppable.
Resilience - Getting back up and trying again are priceless. Doing this gives us confidence, which leads to clarity. We can accomplish anything when we are focused and committed.
Confidence - Vulnerability leads to courage, where we face the fear of “not being enough”. Which is BS in the first place. Self-acceptance, which is the most beautiful form of confidence!
Courage - It’s a choice. As we said before, notice when fear comes knocking - acknowledge it - then look strongly ahead. YOU get to decide to stop creating and indulging in negative thoughts. If you’re feeling uncertain, that’s okay.
So, Have the courage to do it (whatever IT is) anyway. And you could walk away with a little more of this to lead you to success.
Now that we've covered what fear is, how it presents itself in the human body, and it's benefits, lets get into how exactly we co-exist with it personally and professionally.
10 Ways Women Can Co-Exist With Fear
01 |
Tackle Public Speaking
But first...facts...Did you know:
Public speaking anxiety is more prevalent than the fear of death, spiders, or heights.
Around 5-10% of the population experiences severe glossophobia.
Approximately 25% of individuals experience moderate levels of fear when speaking in public.
Women are more likely to experience public speaking anxiety compared to men.
Exposure
For example, joining Toastmasters - No, this isn’t about breakfast. Toastmasters International is actually a nonprofit educational organization that helps people learn public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of clubs. This club can help you become a more confident speaker, leader, and/or communicator.
Go Live on social media
We love to see our members go live in the Membership. Doing helps them level up, especially when it comes to confidence and even business. This gives people the opportunity for interaction, and normalizing impromptu speaking. Bonus! It’s also more effective than creating a post for people to comment on.
Scared? That’s okay.
Remember, it's okay to feel our feelings, even the uncomfortable ones.
Joining a community or starting one of your own
When you join a community (such as Coach Curator Insider) you learn the basics behind navigating your creative career, but also, how to show up powerfully. Joining a community is the first step creating a supportive network to bounce ideas off of, share your goals, and get unlimited empowerment.
If you don’t have a network like this...why not? What could you do to find or build one?
02 |
Rejecting & Recalibrating Negative Self Talk
Awareness
Be aware of it, and know when to intervene with journaling or meditation
Acknowledgement
This is easy! TALK BACK! Literally, when you have a negative train of thought, tell it to go away! Disrupt disrupt disrupt. When you say for example, an affirmation or incantation, out loud you are rewiring your brain.
Affirmations
Affirmations are super unerrated way to change your neural pathways. What can start off as a simple task an silly phrase can scientifically rewire your brain to think more quality thoughts. Better thoughts...better life.
"They found that participants in the self-affirmation condition produced more brain activity in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex during exposure to health messages and went on to increase their objectivity. Affirmation of core values allows at-risk individuals to be open to health messages and behavior change." >>>Read More Here: David J. Bredehoft. The Science Behind Self-Affirmations (Science is showing self-affirmations are valuable for health and well-being). Psychology Today. Aug 7 2023
03 |
Defying Social Expectations
Authenticity & Acceptance
It’s natural to want to be accepted or included, but don’t let this make you fall victim to perfectionism.
Have the audacity to be ambitious
Do what you’re “not supposed to” or take the hard way if you feel that it’s right for you. Don’t live your life within the boundaries of someone else's comfort zone.
Dare to Be Different
When they want you to be quiet, get loud. When they don’t like what you have to say, get louder. Who's they? Anyone or anything. It can be active group of people, or person in your network or life, and even a thought programmed by a voice from the past. Unfortunately, those can catch on and stick around just as well as positive affirmations, which is why we must do the work to strip them from relevance in our every day lives.
04 |
Fund Your Dreams
It's okay to get help
So far we've learned about awareness, positive self talk, authentic acceptance, and public speaking. If you really care about this mission of yours, cling to that passion while you make your attempt at greatness. Make no mistakes, this takes vulnerability, time, patience, and resilience. I never said this was going to be easy...matter of fact, co-existing with fear means feeling it and doing all of these things anyway.
Over 90% of new businesses get going without the help of a loan or a grant, don’t forget you can start from nothing!
>>>Learn about Crowdfunding here
With the help of personal resources and investors you can accumulate money to help with the start of your business. Angel Investors and Venture Capitalist! First, identify your own demographic, THEN, looks for individuals who support YOUR particular mission.
Bonus Resource:
05 |
Being Seen and Heard
Create Boundaries & Stick To Them.
HAVE THEM! It’s okay and actually recommended to say no. If you don’t wanna do something or be around someone, don’t. You have to respect your boundaries first!
Being Heard
Use your voice! Believe in your message. It will be the most commonly tested thing you encounter. For example, anytime your purpose or mission is questioned, whether its for networking or a promotion, how much you believe in what you're saying, will determine how the message is received.
Sometimes when we share what we care most about, it can run into opposition, disbelief, or judgement. Allowing others to have thoughts, opinions that differ from yours, without letting it affect your reality is the most powerful way to continue your journey. It can help you look like more of a leader, and make it less likely that you stall or quit on yourself.
06 |
Celebrate Accomplishments & Milestones
Gratitude
Be grateful! When we express gratitude for our own growth, we release dopamine and serotonin. Thus, rewarding ourselves for perseverance.
Celebration
Celebrate your wins, it’s one of the best gifts to give to yourself, because when we do this - it creates acknowledgement. The journey we’re on is REAL.
Credibility
Really highlight the hard work you put into your goals and your business. You deserve to give yourself credit where it’s due, and strengthen that belief in yourself. You can create portfolios, sites that highlight your experience and wins, or you can simply update your Linkedin profile.
The act of doing any of the above creates hardwired evidence in your brain and this leads to more confidence, more belief, and more courage.
07 |
Build Support Networks
Take risks and get to know people outside of your current circle. Practice making connections with a variety of different people. This develops interpersonal skills which helps in EVERY aspect of your career or business!
From building your team to making the sale, diverse networks have the opportunity to tap into expansion and knowledge.
Thrive off of supporting others? Find other like minded women who share your ambition and support the heck out of them. When you support other passionate and like-minded women, reciprocation is inevitable and you open yourself to the same thing.
08 |
Balance & Family Life
Unplug
Unplug, but finish reading this blog first! Then watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix, Which will have you unplugging in no time! From your laptop, your phone, anything that has to do with work or the internet.
Connect
Communicate, acknowledge, and PLAN time with your partner . This is so important, if you’re running a business - your partner most likely will have more work to do in other areas of your lives so it’s always great to empower your connection this way.
Cultivate
Also, do this with your closest friends and support system so they feel appreciated. Cultivating friendships takes time, effort, and acknowledgemnt, if you act like they don't exist, they won't.
09 |
Understand The Fear of Failure
Let's take a second to think about fear for what it is. As we said, it's a natural and instinctual human emotion, a sign that we're alive. This is what we want right? So aside from equipping yourself with resources, it's inevitable that ONE of these tools would require you to just sit with it.
So here's how we can sit with fear, in a healthy or productive manner, with out giving in to reactive behavior.
Write About It
Journal! When we write things down we understand things more clearly and can better decide a path for healing from there.
Get Curious
Figure out where this fear is coming from. If you find the source of your fear, you can discover powerful ways to grow when you realize the monster under the bed is a just a pile of socks and it can't actually DO anything TO you.
It's common knowledge that most people fear what other people think. Some won't try to do anything extraordinary in their lives, for no other reason than failing in the eyes of other people.
Getting curious, taking chances, gaining self acceptance, and building meaningful connections with directly contribute to undeniable growth on your journey, and lead you well beyond the expectations made by others.
Allowing you to live, dream, and create more freely.
10 |
Using Meditation & Visualization To Create Confidence
Meditation can help connect with your innermost self, what psychoanalyst call the subconscious mind. It can help you create and solidify a unique foundation of self love which equates to a live well lived and aspirations fulfilled.
When you use visualization, it inspires the mind and motivates you to actually do something about it. This gives you the clarity to take the action needed. Why? Because the pre-frontal cortex is a show-me-the-money kinda gal. This is where all of your executive function originates. So when she (your prefrontal cortex) sees what you want, she is more likely to prioritize the thoughts and actions that lead to that outcome.
"This is one of the main principles used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), most notably for eliminating phobias. The same principle can be used for success. Visualizing the scenario of succeeding in a difficult situation or achieving your goals can activate the same areas in your brain as physically experiencing this scenario. This promotes neuroplasticity - the formation and strengthening of the pathways in your brain related to your success - and in turn reduces your stress, makes you more likely to succeed, and gives you a surge of motivation."
Read more about The Science of Visualization here>>>THE SCIENCE OF VISUALIZATION: CAN IMAGINING YOUR GOALS MAKE YOU MORE LIKELY TO ACCOMPLISH THEM?
By Massa Mohamed Ali
My entire life people have called me lucky. They mistake that for resilience, putting in the work, and taking a chance to create opportunity in the the most unlikely environments.
Together we can face our fears instead of running away. These tools and tips are only the beginning of how and why it's possible for us.
We can move through life despite the fear. Not only reaching our own versions of success, but reaping the rewards for having been on the journey.
Time to visualize!
Love,
Jess
Download your free Meant For More Workbook right here!
